The Ballad of Roger Fuckedbythenavele

In order to understand the following ballad, you need to read this piece in the Washington Post.

An old high school chum posted the article to his Facebook and lamented a lack of reference to the outlaw Roger Fuckedbythenavele in heraldry. I was up for the challenge:


The Ballad of Roger Fuckedbythenavele

Gather 'round ye lads and lasses
Pull up your chair and fill up your glasses
And I shall sing of a man ye knew well
The brigand they called Fuckedbythenavele

He bargained a deal with the village's whore
"I'll pay ye a pence and not one farthing more"
She agreed to the price and he gave out a yell
"All shall soon know the name Fuckedbythenavele!"

She laid on the mattress and lifted her skirt
He pulled down his breeches, unbuttoned his shirt
And as he prepared to give her all hell
He cried, "Ye'll always remember Fuckedbythenavele"

But the room was as dark as a coal-digger's arse
And young Roger's bluster was nothing but farce
He thrusted and wiggled and fumbled pell mell
And that is the legend of Fuckedbythenavele.